Thursday, August 27, 2009

Is it easier to live or die for Christ?

The last couple months Van has been doing series on "Uncommon Sense" Sunday mornings, from Mathew 5 - the B-attitudes, it has been very good I think :o) Last week was the last and it was on 'blessed are those who are persecuted for my sake for theirs is the kingdom...' while he was talking about how many Christians are killed because of their faith per day (I can't remember how many he said around 300 I think???, over half of them children) ... I was distracted, when he asked if you would die for Christ I was unsettled, because Yea, I honestly think If a gun was held to my head or etc. I still would not deny him... but I still was struggling with guilt from what had happened just a couple days prior..., and then he hit on it (isn't it weird how God does that?) are you living for Him?... many will not deny Christ in death, but do we deny Him by how we live... I can die for Christ... but why is it so hard for me to LIVE for him?I believe in Him , I don't mind telling anyone that, I like going to church, when I am alone or with my christian friends I can stay on track with no problem, but when I'm at work, I feel like my actions and attitude betray that... I struggle with being around friends who are non- christian and still being true to myself and God, I struggle with my attitude because I want to hang out with them and have fun and not stay alone and by myself but I always feel like I am walking such a fine line and tend to compromise my beliefs, whether it is by a slip of the tongue or laughing at something I shouldn't or even just not saying anything and being like 'hey, I'm really not comfortable with this conversation'... what do you say to someone who tells you 'oh I know I'm going to hell so I might as well live it up while I can...' I'm like what? how can you really believe in hell and still say that?How do you apologize to someone for slipping up when they already think that you are a better person than they are to begin with and don't see why you think that what you did was wrong? How do I explain that I hold myself to a higher standard without, well, how do you explain it? my musings for the week...
I am trying to decide what to do, I used to never go out with them, so they never asked, but then I've gone a few times, and they think I'm fun so they keep asking and for the most part I have had guilt free fun but is it worth the chance of tripping up? I mean I want to go to a persons birthday party next week -bowling in pj's ,sounds fun to me :o) (and it's free!)- but should I? I just don't know...


...sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small...

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